Concern the Addict for Family
- Calmly confront the addict and ask him or her to stop using drugs and to get into treatment. In this situation, we need to convince the addict that we can understand his or her condition and therefore are willing to help. Try to have a heart-to-heart communication with the addict. Talk gently and listen emphatically in the hope that the addict will trust us to open up his or her problems. Be prepared for defenses we'll face. Here are the things to remember :
- Don't lose your temper. Don't arque.
- Express positive feelings for the addict and negative feelings about the drug use.
- Be specific with evidence.
- Don't accept promises to "stop on my own"
- When one person falters, another should step in.
- Don't back out. Don't give up.
- Learn about the disease and involve ourselves in the treatment procedure.
The closer we are to the addict, the deeper we'll be influenced by his or her addiction. And, in turn, our response will influence the addict's recovery, either positively or negatively. So, it's extremely important to know all about the disease in order to gain ideas about how to facilitate recovery in the right ways.
We can do this, for example, by reading books or magazines, attending seminars or workshops, consulting experts ( psychologists, psychiatrists, or counsellors).
- Identify our ineffective behaviors.
Our ineffective behaviors may inhibit the addict in learning to be responsible for his or her actions and also damage our relationship with the addict, as well as drive ourselves crazy in the process.
These ineffective behaviors include:- Protecting the addict from potential crises associated with drug use, such as taking care of him or her physically or bailing him or her out of legal or financial problems.
- Manipulating or controlling situation to please the addict for the purpose of making him or her forget the drugs such as by providing facilities or other support so that he or she doesn't have to shoulder the normal responsibilities of adulthood.
- Nagging, blaming, reprimanding, or picking useless arguments about drug use.
- Thoroughly controlling and continuously watching the addict's behaviors.
- Punishing the addict for drug use rather than addressing the underlying issue of addiction.
- Observe our own emotions and stop ineffective behaviors.
Because of the way addiction affects us and the extended period of time over which it develops, it's most likely we feel a fair amount of resentment and disappoinment against the addict, or against those we believe to be responsible for the problem.
If we don't do something to relieve our emotions, instead of having one problem to deal with (the addict), we've got two (the addict and ourselves). Therefore, to deal with the addict effectively, we need to find a way to create emotional relief for ourselves outside our interactions with the addict in order to keep us from becoming reactive to the addict's behaviors.
We must accept the reality that we or anybody else is helpless to change the addict, but only he or she can change himself or herself. We can get this emotional relief, for example, by surrendering ourselves to God, asking him fot help and a peaceful mind and heart through religious activities, developing career and friendships, doing hobbies.
- Apply effective behaviors.
With our gained emotional relief, we have the capacity of applying effective behaviors:
- Confronting the addict calmly when he or she is in a normal condition. Confronting is not in the form of attacks, demands or accusations, but in the form of discussions about the things that happened or will happen and how to solve the problems together.
- Firmly and clearly stating things for the addict to do without repeating them in the next days.
- Making a firm and clear agreement with the addict and let the person bear the painful consequences if he or she is found breaking it. Try to make the addict see that the painful things he or she is suffering from are not punishment but natural consequences of his or her actions.
- Focusing on the present matters without mentioning the past.
- Not making addiction problems the main topic of conversation.
